I hate these days

These days are the worst days.

I hate these days.

These days bring so much sadness.

These days bring tears to my eyes.

Every one of these days.

This morning I drove to LAX and dropped off my son, not to see him again for months. I really thought that I could do it without crying this time. I reminded myself that I will be able to see him in less than three months… It didn’t work.


I remember the day that Jennifer left for her summer mission trip eight years ago. I was so proud of her, so glad that she was doing such a good thing. I cried the entire 45 minute drive to work. Every time we put her on the plane to go back to college I would tear up. Separation brings me so many tears.

The drop offs with Dillon are much tougher. I think a good part of it is because it was our move back to California is what caused the distance between us. But, I think that the hardest part, the greatest contributor to what aches my heart today, is has a lot to do with losing my dad when I was eighteen. As an adult I never had a father-son relationship with my dad. And, as I told God this morning, I didn’t get that part of the relationship with my dad and I want it with my son.

So, the separation hurts.

And now I am back in Brea, with three of the four most important people in the world to me, all within a mile or so from me.

Back to our routine.

Routine, except that I hate these days.