So, who is this about???

OK, it has been exactly three weeks since I have had any “me” time, and thanks to a plumber holding Ted and me up on our job today, I now have some time to sit, think, and write! The last few weeks have been quite eventful for my family and myself, and have given me cause to process some weighty issues concerning family, friends, and relationships.


About three weeks ago my daughter Jenn became engaged to be married to Andrew Kornoff. This is a good thing! The challenge is that they have set the date to be September 4th of this year, which affords only about eighteen weeks to pull it off. It promises to be a fast and furious four months!

We have done the “meet the parents” thing with the Kornoffs over dinner, and at a very organized strategy briefing a week or so later. It is so much fun watching Jenn and Andy working together on all their wedding-type stuff as they morph from individuals into a couple right before our eyes. Last weekend we had the opportunity to get to know our daughter’s future in-laws a little better. We had the occasion to attend Andy’s dinner to celebrate his graduation from Western State Law on Saturday evening, followed up by Jenn and Andy’s engagement party, hosted by the Kornoff’s on Sunday.

The downer to this whole thing is that we have a member of our extended family who showed up and cast a dark shadow over the engagement party. As we all know families can be weird, and too often have more drama and conflict within them what one would consider to be healthy. This person unexpectedly showed up (she did not RSVP) and brought a life’s worth of anger, bitterness, and discontent with her. This person’s behavior was capped off by the choice to confront my wife about something - in the hallway between the kitchen and family room, in my daughter’s future in-law’s home, in sight of the entire party. This was about the most inappropriate behavior I have ever witnessed. This person chose to bring her bitterness, and her agenda into a setting that was intended to celebrate the engagement of a young couple. She chose to make this occasion about her, and her issues.

In addition to our busy social calendar, my work has taken up quite a bit of time the last two weeks. I have been working with my buddy Ted installing tile floors and a new shower for a wonderful woman in Mission Viejo over the past two weeks. I want to explain what I meant when I said my work “has taken up quite a bit of time” earlier. Our customer, Dianna, is a woman in her sixties (I guess, would never ask), who tirelessly cares for her disabled husband Roger. Roger has a neurological disorder prohibiting him from using his muscles, leaving him bed and wheelchair bound for the past three or four years. She does everything for him.

Dianna has not been the easiest customer to work for. Ted and I figure that the combination of indecision and unpreparedness have cost us at least a day and a half on this job. We have both found ourselves frustrated and stressed at our lack of progress caused by factors that are out of our control. On Monday or Tuesday we were discussing this job and our frustrations when we came to the conclusion that maybe this job was not about us, or our expectations, or our schedule. But, maybe this job was about someone else. Someone who is in a place in life that she never would have conceived she would find herself in. Someone who’s role in life has dramatically changed, who’s dreams have been quashed, who’s plans for retirement and travel with her husband of forty-plus years have been stolen from her.

Borrowing from Donald Miller, maybe this whole thing isn’t about how much Mike and Ted will earn, or how quickly I can move on to my next job, or how much time I can have for my studies. Maybe right now Dianna isn’t the bit part player in my life’s story. Maybe I am the small character in her story. I believe that my part is to be an encourager to someone who needs every bit of encouragement she can get, and to ensure that her needs are met.

Sadly, what I am sharing with you is what I have become convicted of; these are not anecdotes coming from some sort of victory. In Matthew chapter 20 Jesus says: Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served… I think that a big part of being a servant is having the mindset that says “it might not be all about me.” The events of the past week have proven this to be true to me.