Sometimes it hurts to be a parent

Yesterday was a tough day to be a parent. Or, maybe more accurately, it was a tough day to parent. Yvonne has said more than once: “Parenting toddlers was easy.” Her comments show her wisdom. Compared to parenting teenagers, parenting toddlers is a breeze.


A real challenge to this parenting thing is that your kids really are different-the teen years provide no exception to this rule. Sure, no teenager really sees the need for a clean room, or understands why we need a somewhat organized garage… those days will come. The trick is dealing with each unique personality, in his or her 95% emotional 5% rational mind.

Yvonne and I had to come to a hard decision that we knew would not go over well. When we shared what was on our hearts and announced that significant plans had to be changed. A very emotional and painful exchange followed for the next 30 minutes. We did what we had to do. We changed what needed to be changed. Tears flowed and hearts were broken all around.


I remember a scene from the movie City Slickers where Bruno Kirby’s character, Ed, shares with fellow wannabe cowboys Mitch and Phil about his best day as a man:

Ed: I'm 14 and my mother and father are fighting again... y'know, because she caught him again. Caught him... This time the girl drove by the house to pick him up. And I finally realized, he wasn't just cheating on my mother, he was cheating us. So I told him, I said, "You're bad to us. We don't love you. I'll take care of my mother and my sister. We don't need you any more." And he made like he was gonna hit me, but I didn't budge. And he turned around and he left. He never bothered us again. Well, I took care of my mother and my sister from that day on. That's my best day.

Phil: What was you're worst day?

Ed: Same day.

I feel very much about yesterday like Ed felt about his day. We did what we needed to do as parents, we made the right decision, but the pain of the whole thing still clouds my day today. As a parent it was a very good day… it also was a bad day.


A few weeks ago I quoted Biola prof Tim Muehlhoff and I will do so again today: “Our jobs as parents is not to have happy 15 year-olds, it is to raise well-adjusted 23 year-olds.”

Words to live by...